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It’s been said our days are numbered. But that is far too morbid. We don’t do morbid around here. Around here we focus on life and living it fully with all its uncertainty, surprises, pain, and joy. The reality is we only have a certain number of days. What matters is how we number them.
- Today I did 45 minutes of Zumba.
o 4 days before, I was too tired to eat, sit up, and get from the couch back to the bed.
- 8 days ago, I had my third round of chemotherapy.
o 42 days before, with a fresh port, a swollen, bruised body, and a scared spirit, I had my first.
- 120 days ago I was told I’d have emergency surgery the next day, things could be worse than I thought.
o 1 day before, I’d been planning cruise excursions with my husband.
- 210 days ago, everyone but me was getting pregnant.
o All the days before, cancer was something that happened to other people.
We all number our days. It is how we organize, keep track and keep moving. My first thought was that the way we number our days reflects what we value. In reality, it reflects what we are currently focused on. The question becomes is that what we truly value? Or should we be spending time and counting our days in different ways?
Right now, my days revolve around fighting cancer. The number of surgeries, number of sick days, the number of trips to the blood draw station, the number of hats I should buy, the number of pills I will take. The numbers I value are the ones that are decreasing…my ca125 level, the days left in treatment, the number of rounds to go. Those are the ones I need to focus on.
I think it’s a good idea to stop and reflect on the way you are numbering your days versus what is valuable in your life.
How many days has it been since you:
· Did something you never thought you could do?
· Stopped doing something you always thought you’d do?
· Said good bye to someone you love?
· Said hello to your new baby?
· Found out the worst news?
· Found out the best news?
How many days until you finally:
· Quit your job?
· Leave that asshole?
· Start your diet?
· Take a pregnancy test?
· Reunite with someone you love?
· Start over?
· Start again?
It isn’t the number that matters, the action after it. That is where we find what our life focuses on. It is where we can show our gratitude, our goals, our resolve. In roughly 30 days, I gratefully resolve to stop numbering my days around cancer.
My goal is to start counting the number of:
· Risks I take
· Days until I my sister gets married
· Articles I publish
· People I help
· Babies I have
· Adventures I take with the love of my life
The numbers show where we’ve been, where we’re going, how far we’ve come…
What are your numbers?