Monday, January 28, 2013

Time On My Hands

"When God made time, he made enough of it." - Celtic Saying 

I found this saying on the end of tea bag yesterday and it really hit home.  After being diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and going through a pretty major abdominal surgery, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands.  I wasn't supposed to go back to work for 6 weeks (ended up only staying home for 3) and I struggled to find a good use of my time.  I could look around my house and see everything that I needed or wanted to do, but couldn't physically do it.  I tried to read but couldn't focus.  I tried to write but struggled with what to say.  Also, you'd be surprised what happens to your spelling skills while on pain meds.  There are pages in my notebook I still can't figure out.  

It was a strange time for me. I was in between diagnosis, I knew that the surgery discovered no new cancer which was a huge relief, but I still didn't know what the next step would be.  Whether or not I would have chemo and how long I would have it were unknown. What "stage" I officially fell into. I didn't have all the information so I limited what I shared with people. I don't just write for myself, I write to share, and when I don't think I'll be able to share that writing, I don't really want to do it.

That time of unknown was honestly the most frightening.  What needed to be a time of calm and healing was riddled with uncertainty and anxiety.  I felt a huge push to create, to make something, to leave something behind. I turned to the huge pile of yarn in my the corner of my living room and realized there were a lot of things I could do.

It was fall and I came across this pattern for pumpkin hats for kids.  It felt like all of my friends were having children and I just wanted to be sure they had a part of me. There were times when I thought that if nothing else, my friends could say "Mommy's friend Kelly made this for you..." years later when the kids were grown and I was just a memory. The quote would naturally be followed by some funny story I told or how nice of a butt I had.  I've said before, we don't do morbid here, but we do honest and this was honestly how I was feeling.  I felt calm and solace in the stringing together of yarn into loops, then rounds, then hats.  We all have limited time here, the Celtic saying at the top reminds us that regardless of how much it is, it is enough.  It is up to us how we use it.

Can you handle the cuteness?
I have more knowledge now, I've gone through the chemo, read the results, learned the statistics.  I meant it when I said I was joining The Survivors Club.  Come hell or high water I will someday join the Mommy's Club.  Until then, this basic beanie has carried me through a lot of doctor's waiting rooms, surgery preps, and hours of crappy reality TV.  It can be adapted for all sorts of seasons.  Check out my other blog Pumpkinhead Knits to get the full picture.



http://hiedihaysphotography.zenfolio.com/

Basic Baby Beanie – 
Created using information from Slugs on the Refrigerator 
Skill level : Beginner

Materials:
Size 4 DK weight (I used Impeccable from Michaels)
Hook; US H8/5.00mm
Tapestry Needle

Abbreviations: Standard American Crochet Terms
Ch(s) – Chain/chains
Sl st – slip stitch                 
Hdc – half double crochet
St – stitch

Gauge Working in Rows:
2.5 rows & 3hdc = 1”x1” with H hook


Premie -Circumference 10.5”,Height 4.5-5”
Start with a magic ring
Row 1:  Ch 2, work 8 hdc in ring; join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (8 sts)
Row 2:  2 hdc in each st;  join with sl st in first HDC, chain 2. (16 sts)
Row 3: *1 hdc in first st, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (24 sts)
Row 4: *1 hdc in first 2 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (32 sts)
Continue pattern evenly until piece measures 4.5-5”
Fasten off, weave in all ends.

0-3 Months -Circumference 12”,Height 5.5-6”
Start with a magic ring
Row 1:  Ch 2, work 9 hdc in ring; join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (9 sts)
Row 2: 2 hdc in each st;  join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (18 sts)
Row 3: *1 hdc in first st, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (27 sts)
Row 4: *1 hdc in first 2 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (36 sts)
Continue pattern evenly until piece measures 5.5-6”
Fasten off, weave in all ends.
**for 13” hat, increase to 39 stitches in circumference.

3-6 Months -Circumference 15”,Height 6.5-7”
Start with a magic ring
Row 1:  Ch 2, work 9hdc in ring; join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (9 sts)
Row 2: 2 hdc in each st;  join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (18 sts)
Row 3: *1 hdc in first st, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (27 sts)
Row 4: *1 hdc in first 2 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (36 sts)
Row 5: *1 hdc in first 3 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (45 sts)

Continue pattern evenly until piece measures 6.5-7”
Fasten off, weave in all ends.
**for 14” hat, decrease to 42 stitches in circumference.

6-12 Months -Circumference 16.5”,Height 7.5-8”
Start with a magic ring
Row 1:  Ch 2, work 10 hdc in ring; join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (10 sts)
Row 2: 2 hdc in each st;  join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (20 sts)
Row 3: *1 hdc in first st, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (30 sts)
Row 4: * 1 hdc in first 2 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (40 sts)
Row 5: * 1 hdc in first 3 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (50 sts)

Continue pattern evenly until piece measures 7.5-8”
Fasten off, weave in all ends.
**for 16” hat, decrease to 48 stitches in circumference.
**for 17” hat, increase to 51 stitches in circumference.

1- 3 Year -Circumference 18.5”,Height 8-8.5”
Start with a magic ring
Row 1:  Ch 2, work 8 hdc in ring; join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (8 sts)
Row 2: 2 hdc in each st;  join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (16 sts)
Row 3: *1 hdc in first st, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (24 sts)
Row 4: *1 hdc in first 2 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (32 sts)
Row 5: *1 hdc in first 3 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (40 sts)
Row 6: *1 hdc in first 4 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (48 sts)
Row 7: *1 hdc in first 5 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (56 sts)

Continue pattern evenly until piece measures 8-8.5”
Fasten off, weave in all ends.
**for 18” hat, decrease to 54 stitches in circumference.
**for 19” hat, increase to 57 stitches in circumference.


3-10 Year -Circumference 20”,Height 8.5-9”
Start with a magic ring
Row 1:  Ch 2, work 9 hdc in ring; join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (9 sts)
Row 2: 2 hdc in each st;  join with sl st in first hdc, chain 2. (18 sts)
Row 3: *1 hdc in first st, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (27 sts)
Row 4: *1 hdc in first 2 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (36 sts)
Row 5: *1 hdc in first 3 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (45 sts)
Row 6: *1 hdc in first 4 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (54 sts)
Row 7: * 1 hdc in first 5 sts, 2 hdc in next; repeat from * around for 6 times hdc for the next 21 sts; join with sl st in first hdc, chain2. (60 sts)

Continue pattern evenly until piece measures 8.5-9”
Fasten off, weave in all ends.

**for 19” hat, decrease to 57 stitches in circumference.




Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Good Wishes from Strangers


When a person is diagnosed with a major illness there are a lot of folders full of a lot of papers.  Most of the papers have to do with procedures, legal info, privacy policies, parking info and maps.  In the folder from the chemo nurses I came across a much nicer piece of paper.  A photocopied invitation offering a free head scarf to people diagnosed with diseases that cause hair loss from a company called Good Wishes.  


It took awhile for me to bring myself to reach out.  I knew I would lose my hair, there were days I wanted to tackle it head on (no pun intended) and days that I wanted to ignore it.  I finally went on the website, read through the information and made my selections. 

Their mission:

"Our mission is simple: to provide free of charge, one beautiful It's a Wrap© or Good Wishes Scarf to anyone experiencing the thinning or loss of hair as a result of illness or treatment. Our goal is to in some small way ease their journey, provide a small bit of comfort and share the power of positive thinking and good wishes with these individuals on their path to healing and recovery."



As you can see, these scarves are beautiful.  I filled out the application and made my top three picks.  I quickly got a confirmation email from Hailey that said my scarf would be on its way in 6-8 weeks.  Not long after that, I received a second one saying my choices were out of stock. I figured they were all so nice that the staff could just pick one out and send it to.  Less than a week after that email this came in the mail...




I was so excited to rip into the package but first I opened the card (my Momma taught me well)....
Imagine my surprise when I opened up the card and saw all of this.....



It was seriously the sweetest surprise!  That card looked like something that had passed around my office and sent to a close friend.  The messages were so sweet and I was totally blown away.  I went back to the website and saw that they post the names of all the people that request the scarves so that they are reminded of them and thing of them daily.  Check it out....

 

How much fun would this place be to work in?  Your whole job is to make beautiful things to share with people going through some of their hardest days?  That doesn't suck. 

Thank you Good Wishes Scarves for sending this package, your kind messages and beautiful scarf.

What's that?  You want to know what the scarf looks like ?  Well you are just going to have to wait on that.  But here is a sneak peek for now....




*All pictures came from my phone or from the Good Wishes website. 
Know someone who could use a "hug for your head?"  Share the website with them!!





Monday, January 14, 2013

How We Number Our Days...




This posting brought to you by the #2 and Hiedi Hays Photography

It’s been said our days are numbered.  But that is far too morbid.  We don’t do morbid around here.  Around here we focus on life and living it fully with all its uncertainty, surprises, pain, and joy. The reality is we only have a certain number of days.  What matters is how we number them.

  • Today I did 45 minutes of Zumba.
o   4 days before, I was too tired to eat, sit up, and get from the couch back to the bed.
  • 8 days ago, I had my third round of chemotherapy.
o   42 days before, with a fresh port, a swollen, bruised body, and a scared spirit, I had my first.
  • 120 days ago I was told I’d have emergency surgery the next day, things could be worse than I thought.
o   1 day before, I’d been planning cruise excursions with my husband.
  • 210 days ago, everyone but me was getting pregnant.
o   All the days before, cancer was something that happened to other people.

We all number our days.  It is how we organize, keep track and keep moving.  My first thought was that the way we number our days reflects what we value.  In reality, it reflects what we are currently focused on. The question becomes is that what we truly value?  Or should we be spending time and counting our days in different ways?  

Right now, my days revolve around fighting cancer.  The number of surgeries, number of sick days, the number of trips to the blood draw station, the number of hats I should buy, the number of pills I will take.  The numbers I value are the ones that are decreasing…my ca125 level, the days left in treatment, the number of rounds to go.  Those are the ones I need to focus on.

I think it’s a good idea to stop and reflect on the way you are numbering your days versus what is valuable in your life. 


How many days has it been since you:

·   Did something you never thought you could do?
·   Stopped doing something you always thought you’d do?
·   Said good bye to someone you love?
·   Said hello to your new baby?
·   Found out the worst news?
·   Found out the best news?

How many days until you finally:

·           Quit your job?
·           Leave that asshole?
·           Start your diet?
·           Take a pregnancy test?
·           Reunite with someone you love?
·           Start over?
·           Start again?


It isn’t the number that matters, the action after it.  That is where we find what our life focuses on.  It is where we can show our gratitude, our goals, our resolve.  In roughly 30 days, I gratefully resolve to stop numbering my days around cancer. 


 My goal is to start counting the number of: 

·            Risks I take
·            Days until I my sister gets married
·            Articles I publish
·            People I help
·            Babies I have
·            Adventures I take with the love of my life

The numbers show where we’ve been, where we’re going, how far we’ve come…

What are your numbers?





Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Things You Can Do in 10 Minutes



Energy comes in 10 minute spurts these days.  Here are a few of the things I've been doing in 10 minute increments:










Get fake bangs:
Went to my fabulous friend Amanda and had her trim these fake bangs to look a bit more natural.

Yes these are fake bangs. Weird huh?







Repurpose a Hat:
I made a bunch of plain hats in anticipation of orders.  Needless to say, I anticipated the wrong sizes.  Fortunately a quick 10 minute addition turned this tiny hat into a baby gift for Amanda's little boy or girl.  Her husband is a football coach so I thought he might like this:





Make All Natural Lotion Bars:
I've been wanting to make these for awhile.  They took so little time that I will definitely be making more. I got the recipe from one of my favorite blogs The Healthy Beehive 
Next week, I'll make some without coconut oil to share with Jolleen!









Make My Husband Hang Stuff:
I could hang these things myself.  But I'm sick, and impatient, he actually measures, gets out a level, and uses the correct tools.  He's good like that.  I prefer the "eye ball it" and "work with what you have" method.







Organize:
I get weekly emails from this blog with tips on simplifying life.  She creates a declutter calendar that has great ideas for breaking down tasks and tackeling organization.  Another thing I made my husband hang was a mail organizer next to a paper shredder by the front door.  There will be no more junk mail on my dining room table.  That sh** won't even make it up the stairs (no picture. sorry)



Nap:
 Ok, so the naps are much longer than 10 minutes, but with this cuddle partner, who can blame me!