It figures that right now, as I sit here unemployed and still a bit unsure where I want to go with life, I would get these two offers. The first offer was for an alumni radio show that does a "Where are they now?" type theme. A quick thinking friend said, "Oh she'll have to go on your show some other time" and got me out of it. Then I got a phone call from Barb at the St. Francis Inn who was writing a "Where are they now?" type piece for their newsletter. Bless her heart, she did not react awkwardly when I said, "I'm unemployed" and we cobbled together all sorts of exciting things like a new dog, being engaged, writing a blog, cleaning four loads of laundry in one day (ok I'm stretching it here). So it got me thinking. Where am I now? or more importantly, Where am I not?
Here is where I'm not...
I am not spending my evenings grading papers.
I am not feeling guilt on weekends when I chose to do something fun over something school or home related. I am not working under someone who ignores my talents and obsesses over my flaws.
I am not crying.
I am not a slave to my email.
I am not getting up before 9am.
I am not reading books I don't want to read.
I am not killing massive amounts of trees.
I am not stuck.
I am not not good enough.
I am not convincing myself that I should be doing something because it is always what I thought I would do.
I am not doing something because it pays well.
I am not exhausted all the time.
I am not wondering when it will get better.
I know I am very lucky and blessed to be "not" doing all of these things. It is through the generosity of my fiance and the State of NY that allows me to "not be." That makes the next step even more important. I will not settle for what is routine and expected. I will not not waste this glorious time.
What are you not?